But it hurts a just little to let them go.

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I wanted to let you know about a book I just finished reading. It’s called Radical by David Platt. It has really inspired me to get in gear for God. As I was reading, it really resonated with the things we’ve been learning about in church. I wanted to pass the info along to you if you haven’t read it. Many in our church are already living out the Biblical principles Platt outlines in his book.

He talks about radical service for God and giving up this Christian American Dream we’ve put our faith, time and effort into. We have changed the Gospel message to support our pursuit of the American Dream. If we willfully indulge in selfish pursuits of material possessions and ignore the poor, then who are we? Can we call ourselves people of God if we neglect the poor? Platt says the question is not “what is God’s will for me” but rather “will we obey Gods’ will?” We have already been told what to do and when: go and make disciples, care for the poor, and do it now, even if it is inconvenient or dangerous (sheep among wolves).

I’ve never been extravagant or materialistic compared to most, but the Lord’s been leading me to simplify for a long time. This book just confirmed it for me. I look around and am frustrated by my and others’ desires for better clothes, a better car, a better home, a better neighborhood. Out of all my friends, I am one of the poorest. I didn’t grow up that way and now that I’m on the other side, I’m constantly battling between shame for being “poor” and guilt for wanting more. I’m sometimes embarrassed when I wear the same clothes over and over again or when my kids aren’t wearing their “Easter” or “Christmas” clothes on Easter and Christmas.

Now I’m done with it all. The book ends with the Radical Experiment and I’m jumping in. I am changing my focus and keeping my eyes on the prize of Christ. Even if I could have “it” all, I wouldn’t. It’s been a dream of Curt’s and mine to live on half of our income but right now we’re broke, so I have to be radical with what I’ve got. This week, we are cleaning out our closets to get things ready for the resale shop and for donation. In all truth, we have more than we need. Then, I’m going to give away what it hurts to give. I may be down to only 3 or 4 outfits when it’s all said and done but I am desperate for the power of God so who cares? (As excited as I am to do this, it will be difficult to endure.)

The Experiment is for one year and has 5 parts: 1) pray for the entire world, 2) read through the entire Word, 3) sacrifice your money for a specific purpose, 4) spend your time in another context, and 5) commit your life to a multiplying community. Check it out at the links.

http://www.radicalthebook.com/index.html
http://www.radicalexperiment.org/index.html

I’d love to share this book with all of you so that we can be Radical together.

Just this week, as I was cutting a pear for the kids to snack on He revealed something to me. I was cutting the fruit and thinking about how our oldest girl will rarely, if ever, go into the refrigerator and get a piece of fruit for herself. Too many times the pears that SHE requested have gone bad, and then she says to me, “but I didn’t know they were in there!” I’ve told her that it’s not my job to announce to everyone in the house what I just brought home from the grocery store. If you help unload the car, you will know. If you look in the fridge, you will see.

Anyway, I digress a little.  I’ve told her I want her to eat some fruit every day but the only way she will do that, is if I wash and cut it, roll out the red carpet, and present it to her on silver platter. That’s mostly true.  So while I was cutting this pear on this particular day I realized, I am going to be mad about this either way:  I can either be mad at her for not eating the fruit at all, or mad at her for only eating it if I’ve prepared it. At least I can choose to be mad and have her eat healthier at the same time. And then, I can’t really be mad anymore.

By the end of this thought process, I was completely over it, and over myself. I felt like I grew up a little.

This is what the Holy Spirit has been doing to me lately, taking hold of ugly thoughts, spiteful actions, pet peeves, and mean-spirited responses and exposing their ugliness like a portrait in front of me. He’s gentle in his conviction though and never leaves me feeling guilty. Instead, I feel empowered to persevere in goodness and gentleness as best I can each day and thankful that His grace is sufficient.

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me

Oh how he loves us, so
Oh How he loves us, how he loves us so

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me

And oh, how he loves us so,
Oh how he loves us, how he loves us so

Yeah he loves us
Oh how he loves us
Oh how he loves us
Oh how he loves

We are his portion and he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking
So, heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

He loves us
Oh how he loves us
Oh how he loves us
Oh how he loves

Yeah, he loves us
Oh how he loves us
Oh how he loves us
Oh how he loves

I know I feel unlovable and unloving at times. I have those days when I can’t do or say anything right. Days when nothing cheers me up and I don’t want it to. But then the Spirit puts this song in my heart and I can’t help being uplifted. Remember that Jesus came for the unlovable. The unwanted. The sinners, not the saints. Let Him remake you.

How do you cope whenever you feel unlovable? What lifts your spirits most?

Like that title, huh? Reads just like a news headline, doesn’t it? Well, that’s my news anyway.

One day a few weeks ago, I had a mini-breakdown during which I confessed to my husband that I wasn’t good at anything. Not one thing. I had been job hunting for about a week, looking at job postings both within my field and outside my comfort zone. I am trained as a family therapist but have many other areas of interest outside of that. So I began applying for everything from teaching positions to dog grooming assistant. And no one has called back.

Quickly I realized that I’ve been out of my field too long to be of much use to anyone. University of Phoenix, where I have a standing application, prefers instructors that have been working in their field the last 5 years. Guess what, mommyhood doesn’t count.  Not even for teaching child development courses.

Fast forward to conversation with hubby. I cry telling him that there’s really nothing I can do anymore. Sweet man that he is, he talks me down and we have a good conversation about what I am interested in, if I want to pursue my therapy license and when and how. I told him I think I should have become a veterinarian instead of a therapist. Might do that one day. We also discussed how much I enjoy baking and that I’d like to make and occasionally sell pies.

I made 10 pies for relatives over the holidays and barely broke a sweat, I loved it so much! I made 4 pies for friends and relatives for Mother’s Day last weekend, have some orders for peach pies this weekend, and am planning fresh cherry and seedless blackberry pies for Memorial Day. These simple recipes are helping me to get acquainted with “pie theory,” practice some basic skills, and experiment with making the perfect pie crust. Next, I’d like to learn to be creative and think outside the pie pan to come up with some pie recipes people will love to pay for. I want to “specialize” in fruit pies made from local, organic fruit with sugar-free and gluten-free options.

I am one of those people who quickly becomes overwhelmed with hobbies that turn into jobs and then I lose interest, so I’m trying to stay relaxed about all this. Usually that means deciding on a whim when I’m ready to bake again and hoping people are also ready to buy. That’s ok though. As long as I don’t take myself too seriously, I think things will be ok. This will be fun!

Have you had an identity crisis since becoming a parent? How did you handle it?